no matter the context,
I worry that my legs are unshaven.
It’s the middle of February and I’m wearing long pajama pants
when you ask me to come over.
I tell you I’ll be there when I’m done putting away laundry
but really I shave my legs over the side of the bathtub
and hope that the cold air outside doesn’t make them prickly.
What a shitty feminist I am.
You answer the door shirtless, with grey sweatpants clinging to your hips
like I’m sure I will be later
and I make childish comments about you being naked
like I’m sure you will be later
and I remember that the underwear I’m wearing have a hole in the lace
and suddenly I feel like I’m failing
and falling as you shut the door behind us.
You apologize for the mess and I wait for your hands
but instead you ask me to read something you’ve written
and a wave of some new feeling rushes over me.
We read and we talk about Hemingway, Ukraine,
politics and people and Beatles lyrics.
You crack open a beer but don’t shove one down my throat
or anything else for that matter
and tell me that your grandfather is from Chihuahua, Mexico,
and suddenly I’m laughing.
I can’t contain my fits of laughter and my words turn to a singsong mess
and you put your hand on my waist just to ask me if I’m okay
but I’m more than okay. I’m exceptional.
And I deserve a night of words and pacing and questions
and deciding if Antarctica is an iceberg or a land mass
and hugging goodbye at 1am because it’s really getting late
and we’re sleepy.
I slipped on a sheet of black ice walking home
and landed not-so-gracefully on my ass in a puddle
and I suddenly can’t stop laughing again
because my legs are prickly
and this isn’t the kind of wet I’d expected to be.
|—||"He Thinks Antarctica Is An Iceberg & I Love That." by Yours, Darcy (via writingistheremedy)|
so i feel like i should tell you guys that i’ve found the formula for a perfect and incontrovertible insult:
you perfectly rectangular shitbowl!
you obscenely lamentable assbasket!
you fantastically nauseating dicksoiree!
go forth and blaspheme
I am laughing so hard.
Suddenly everything is beautiful.
I fucking love this show.
I love Cheryl, she has so many great moments but this is probably one of my favorites, I present to you ‘The Queen Tunt of Mars’
This is literally my proudest moment on Facebook.
STOP SAYING A VAGINA IS LOOSE BECAUSE OF A LOT OF SEX.
VAGINAS ALWAYS SHRINK TO THEIR USUAL TIGHTNESS AFTER SEX.
PENISES DO NOT STRETCH THEM OUT OF SHAPE AT ALL
THE VAGINA IS A REALLY STRONG MUSCLE NOT A FLABBY PIECE OF SKIN
WHEN A DUDE BRAGS ABOUT HOW TIGHT A VAGINA WAS
HE’S LITERALLY BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE COULDN’T GET HIS PARTNER AROUSED.
WOW 4 FOR YOU, BOY.
Sometimes I’m Finn, other times I’m Jake.
you know what upsets me
bunnies have tons of sex
like supposedly always humping right
but does that affect how we look at bunnies?
do we still think bunnies are cute af?
do we want bunnies any less because of their sex habits?
treat people like bunnies ok
this has been a psa